Image: Mariah Sharp @MightyMooseArt
She’s made all the mistakes, so you don’t have to… Ask Erin is a weekly advice column, in which Erin answers your burning questions about anything at all.
Q.
Hello Erin!
There’s someone I like, but I'm not sure if he's single or not. So I just met this guy online, we've been texting nonstop, and I'm starting to like him enough to meet him.
He told me he's been single for a couple of months now. When it comes to guys I meet online, I always snoop to make sure they are who they say they are.
I found his Facebook, and it doesn't show his relationship status, but he did have a picture with a girl in his album (It was from four months ago.). I clicked the tag, and her profile says they are in a relationship!! And she last posted things about him and her about two months ago. I also noticed they've been together since like 2015 on Facebook.
Should I ask him what's up? Do I just stop texting him?
He’s been wanting to meet up and meet in person, and I really like him so far. Should I meet up with him or just drop him??
I need help on what to do!!
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A.
In 2017, it’s a given that you’re going to look people up on social media, especially if it’s someone you may start dating.
When I meet new people, I ALWAYS look them up on Facebook and Instagram.
And, these are not even people I am trying to date. I’m married. I do this because it gives me a glimpse into the world of someone I don’t know well (although our worlds on social media are arguably curated) — be they a new networking connection, friend, or work-related acquaintance.
So, there’s no shame in your game. And your next step is super simple.
Ask him.
Say something like, “Hey, I was looking at your Facebook page and noticed that someone has you listed “in a relationship” with them. Are you still involved with this person?
The timeline makes sense in that he told you he has been single for a couple of months and she last posted things about the two of them two months ago. Maybe she hasn’t unchecked the “in a relationship” button in her profile yet.
Now, on the flip side, he might not tell you the truth. But, on your end, you can make it super clear that you have no interest in dating someone who is involved with someone else.
Proceed with a little caution, because we do live in the age of online dishonesty. BUT, do not feel like you have to hide the fact that you looked him up.
Anyone who says they don’t look people up on social media is a BIG OLD LIAR.
If you have a question for me about relationships, addiction, recovery, friendship, consent, what I’m reading, Azeztulite, or anything at all, use the contact form below or email me at rarelywrongerin@gmail.com. As always, your anonymity is golden. xoxo
